After a call to my parents yielded little results with getting an answer to life’s burning question: What’s my purpose? I went to the next best place. But to my chagrin googleing, What should I do with my life, didn’t produce any profound results either. I was left with a few links to Buddha-themed websites and a list of self-help books on amazon. Apparently finding your purpose isn’t as easy as it was portrayed on ‘The Jerk”. I need more than an ashtray and a chair… and some rhythm.

Since I can’t foreshadow the future, I spent some time reflecting on what I learned in the past year. Hoping that maybe the past 12 months would illuminate some grand insight about my next step. And unfortunately/fortunately this is not an exhaustive list.

1. I’m mostly under prepared for everything in life—including (but not limited to) being a parent.  Thanks to the internet I can read lots of opinions about being a parent but none of those opinions really matter.  It’s the lessons learned in the doing.
2. Rolling with the punches is really hard. I’ve finally conceded. Parenting has been a lesson in giving over what power I thought I had to this tiny human being.  So long easy shopping trips, quiet car rides, free time, eating slowly, clothes that stay clean for an entire day, and good bye to letting the sun rise before me.
3. Parenting is rewarding. And so is working. And so is being a good friend. And so is being a loving wife.
4. If I’m working, I want to be at home. If I’m at home, I want to be working. Each decision I make about how I spend my time carries enough weight to crush me with guilt. I have to constantly make the decision to be okay with my choices.
5. When in doubt, don’t judge.
6. If you’re still in doubt, be kind… even when you’re tired and self-righteous. 
7. Get outside everyday.
8. Being a parent will trigger all insecurities you’ve ever had (even the ones that you pushed deep down and thought disappeared). Decide to love yourself anyways.
9. Sometimes life is just hard. And you can’t think about how hard it is. Instead you just decide to take one step forward and get done what needs to be done.
10. If your upper lip needs waxed- wax it (instead of blaming it on constant bad lighting that produces too many shadows). And then call your mom and let her know you’ve experienced another rite of passage. Please read #5 and then #8.
11. Thank your parents for loving you. And getting you this far. And for putting up with your crazy self when you were a sticky-hands-in-everything-toddler, and during your 7th grade awkward-training-bra phase, and during your high school mean streak, and during your college find-your-self-days, and when you were in your 30’s.  And thank them for listening to you rant. Always.

Cheers to another year of lessons and hopefully a little bit closer to finding out my life’s purpose. ☺

Love and peace to your soul,
Hanna

Hi 2016!!! I can already tell you’ll be awesome.  So far you’ve filled my life with time to make chowder (which is pounced shou-dare in our house), put away Christmas decorations, and a color in a coloring book.  This year I’m not even hoping that you’ll be filled with easy sun drenched days—that’s just an added bonus. I’m mostly looking for growth and for you to remind me to be kind to those I love most. And to those I love least.

The year before you felt full.  Tiny humans will do that—fill your days with a rhythm that consists of 80% cleaning up bodily fluids and the other 20% made up of preparing for the next hour of the day. I have never worked so hard to keep my house marginally clean. Or myself marginally fed marginally healthy food.  But don’t get me wrong, 2015 was a good year. I have a healthy baby, a loving husband and I’m pretty grateful (on days when I’m not cynical).

Life could be a lot harder, a lot colder, a lot tougher but it’s not. And I’m grateful that Amelia smiles, I’m grateful that she can breathe, I’m grateful that I can laugh (and cry), I’m grateful that I have money to buy wipes to clean smeared poop off Amelia’s back. I’m grateful I have a car with heat that works. I’m grateful I have a husband who can diffuse my temper and still wants to hug me even when I’m unreasonably pouty. I’m grateful our house has windows that let the sunlight in. I’m grateful that God gave someone the idea to invent gummy bears.  And thanks French people for good French press coffee.

So here’s to you 2016. That you’ll remember to be gentle with my heart and if you have magic powers maybe you can help keep my bad moods in check. And if not, just send me not-so-subtle reminders throughout the next 363 days to be thankful for the things that fill my life that I all too often overlook.