Searching for Significance


Forget the ladder. Keep the six-figure salary. What I’m searching for these days is significance. I want to be a part of something that is bigger than what I could ever do alone. Engage me. I’ll be a loyal part of the team. Build into me. I will deliver. I won’t let you down.

I just ask one thing- don’t break me with pseudo leadership practices. I’m too fragile and tired. I only have energy for health.

Give me a chance. I won’t walk on you or take credit for your work. I’ll be one of the best decisions you make.

I know that we can do way more together than alone. Alone doesn’t work for me. Let me on a team with the right vital signs and the sleeping side of me will show up. Promise.

Do Something


Like a fat cat, I sat. I sat wondering. Wishing. Wishing I knew what to do.

In the undertone of my breath, I mumbled, “do something with passion but don’t waste your time”. Somehow do something seems less scary if I don’t actually articulate the words (or make them audible).
When I heard Doc Hendley speak, I wasn’t surprised at the clarity of his passion for clean water- he has been instrumental in helping thousands of people around the world access H20. I was mostly wondering if he really was as average as he seemed.

“I don’t care who you are, if you find something you’re passionate about- you will make a difference.” -Doc Hendley

Listening to him, I couldn’t help but selfishly wonder, would God ever use me? Writing that question makes me cringe because in the back of mind I’m sure God is saying something wise like “you haven’t asked” or “I am using you” or “I’ve been trying to get your attention but you’ve been too busy to let me in”.
Upon further processing maybe the real question is: am I living for ‘me’ or am I living for ‘God’?
Am I really loving God and the people that God loves?

Do Something


Like a fat cat, I sat. I sat wondering. Wishing. Wishing I knew what to do.

In the undertone of my breath, I mumbled, “do something with passion but don’t waste your time”. Somehow do something seems less scary if I don’t actually articulate the words (or make them audible).
When I heard Doc Hendley speak, I wasn’t surprised at the clarity of his passion for clean water- he has been instrumental in helping thousands of people around the world access H20. I was mostly wondering if he really was as average as he seemed.

“I don’t care who you are, if you find something you’re passionate about- you will make a difference.” -Doc Hendley

Listening to him, I couldn’t help but selfishly wonder, would God ever use me? Writing that question makes me cringe because in the back of mind I’m sure God is saying something wise like “you haven’t asked” or “I am using you” or “I’ve been trying to get your attention but you’ve been too busy to let me in”.
Upon further processing maybe the real question is: am I living for ‘me’ or am I living for ‘God’?
Am I really loving God and the people that God loves?

Hoy Es Viernes

My high school Spanish class teacher deemed Fridays as a day to emphasize school spirit. The class would celebrate with “Hoy Es Viernes!” (It’s Friday!) and do football cheers. It was contrived celebration by an overly enthusiastic (and a little strange) Spanish teacher. Regardless of my judgements about the Friday excitement- it worked. Students got into the whole thing and actually participated.

This brings me to my question of the day: Can formulaic fun turn into authentic fun? Does the saying fake it until you make it hold true?

Take this one step further…In life, at work, in relationships- can a person pretend to be healthy and then someday magically the person really is healthy?

I don’t know the answers but there is something scary about faking our way through relationships, or life. I wonder though, if I want to change maybe it starts with faking since change goes against human nature. Change is uncomfortable so faking is a way to act out how the change would feel. If change it a tight rope walk with sweaty palms, faking it is a safety net.
Top business thinker and advocate for change, Gary Hamel, addressed church leaders:
We are not going to get fundamentally better at changing lives until we get fundamentally better at changing our churches.
I think that we’re not going to get better at changing lives or churches until we are able to change ourselves. Changing the person I’m closest to, me, could be one of the most difficult challenges.
Hoy es viernes!

Hoy Es Viernes

My high school Spanish class teacher deemed Fridays as a day to emphasize school spirit. The class would celebrate with “Hoy Es Viernes!” (It’s Friday!) and do football cheers. It was contrived celebration by an overly enthusiastic (and a little strange) Spanish teacher. Regardless of my judgements about the Friday excitement- it worked. Students got into the whole thing and actually participated.

This brings me to my question of the day: Can formulaic fun turn into authentic fun? Does the saying fake it until you make it hold true?

Take this one step further…In life, at work, in relationships- can a person pretend to be healthy and then someday magically the person really is healthy?


I don’t know the answers but there is something scary about faking our way through relationships, or life. I wonder though, if I want to change maybe it starts with faking since change goes against human nature. Change is uncomfortable so faking is a way to act out how the change would feel. If change it a tight rope walk with sweaty palms, faking it is a safety net.

Top business thinker and advocate for change, Gary Hamel, addressed church leaders:

We are not going to get fundamentally better at changing lives until we get fundamentally better at changing our churches.

I think that we’re not going to get better at changing lives or churches until we are able to change ourselves. Changing the person I’m closest to, me, could be one of the most difficult challenges.

Hoy es viernes!


Passionately Unsure

I should be passionate about something.
Is it hard for me to be passionate because:
a) I’m afraid to commit to the ‘wrong’ thing
b) I don’t know myself well enough yet
c) I just haven’t found it
Every person who has done anything significant was passionate about something. What if I’m just average B-student middle ground vanilla Midwest suburb safe somewhat boring do what’s right steady Hanna? Average people without passion don’t change the world, or anything for that matter.

I listened to Donald Miller give a message at Willow Creek Community Church. I like Donald’s style. Candid. Dorky. Aware. Here’s what I remember from Donald’s message (sorry to Donald for not remembering more):

“God is like a good dad”

I find myself looking to God for the exact answer to the exact problem in the exact way that I want it. I’m not 100% sure I understand all the ways that God works but I’m pretty sure that God doesn’t always fit neatly into my prepackaged plans. So like a good dad addressing a tough life lesson question, the answer doesn’t come clearly or right away. Whether I’m average or not, I have space to learn and grow through a not-so-average season of change.

Oh, and for anyone curious, I’ll go with d) all of the above.

Passionately Unsure

I should be passionate about something.

Is it hard for me to be passionate because:
a) I’m afraid to commit to the ‘wrong’ thing
b) I don’t know myself well enough yet
c) I just haven’t found it

Every person who has done anything significant was passionate about something. What if I’m just average B-student middle ground vanilla Midwest suburb safe somewhat boring do what’s right steady Hanna? Average people without passion don’t change the world, or anything for that matter.

I listened to Donald Miller give a message at Willow Creek Community Church. I like Donald’s style. Candid. Dorky. Aware. Here’s what I remember from Donald’s message (sorry to Donald for not remembering more):


“God is like a good dad”


I find myself looking to God for the exact answer to the exact problem in the exact way that I want it. I’m not 100% sure I understand all the ways that God works but I’m pretty sure that God doesn’t always fit neatly into my prepackaged plans. So like a good dad addressing a tough life lesson question, the answer doesn’t come clearly or right away. Whether I’m average or not, I have space to learn and grow through a not-so-average season of change.


Oh, and for anyone curious, I’ll go with d) all of the above.

Where God Comes In

So this is the part of my life where God enters. Scratch that.

This is the part of my life where I pay attention to God. In an act of desperate honesty I am going to write something embarrassingly truth-filled: I only seek God when I think I need God. My lackluster personal motto could be, “Going through a tough time- get God”.

I sit here asking God to just give me the answer. I wait.

My apartment is still as the afternoon glow fades into the tree line and the sky’s streak of sunset colors turn to bland darkness.

Listening for a subtle prompting leaves me empty.

Writing in the evening gives me peace, even if no answers come. I’m drawn to the busyness of my thoughts. Will God still talk to me even if my mind won’t stop moving frantically in a haphazard mess? How can I quiet my mind to leave space for a patient God that doesn’t yell?

I wait.

Where God Comes In

So this is the part of my life where God enters. Scratch that.

This is the part of my life where I pay attention to God. In an act of desperate honesty I am going to write something embarrassingly truth-filled: I only seek God when I think I need God. My lackluster personal motto could be, “Going through a tough time- get God”.

I sit here asking God to just give me the answer. I wait.

My apartment is still as the afternoon glow fades into the tree line and the sky’s streak of sunset colors turn to bland darkness.

Listening for a subtle prompting leaves me empty.

Writing in the evening gives me peace, even if no answers come. I’m drawn to the busyness of my thoughts. Will God still talk to me even if my mind won’t stop moving frantically in a haphazard mess? How can I quiet my mind to leave space for a patient God that doesn’t yell?

I wait.

Verbal Clones

I could be part of the problem. One of my all time favorite quotes is by Maya Angelou:

“If you don’t like something, change it. If you can’t change it, change your attitude.”

I subscribe to that ideal but lately, not so much. I’ve been consumed by cynicism (sarcasm’s evil twin).

In a meeting today it was so clear- I’ve been verbally cloning negative comments I’ve picked up around the office. Each clone is less intelligent than the previous one- so I’ve actually been perpetuating stupid.

If I really believe that I am a change agent then the narrative I’m telling should be a more compelling story. A better story.

New chapter- change for good. Don’t clone.